Diversionary Tactics

Unpacking is tedious, wit-dulling work. Any distraction is welcome which explains why I spent Wednesday morning and Thursday evening clicking and clacking with the knitting ladies at Starbucks. I led an ill-fated excursion to Kamakura where I spied an interesting version of the Pillsbury Doughboy (above) which cheered me up immensely after the devastating discovery that Swany's fabric store has pretty much vanished into thin air.

A torrential downpour today did not stop me from taking my virgin voyage out the gate with Mimi riding shotgun. She navigated me to D2, a Target-like store, where I invested in wastebaskets for all the junk I intend to throw away and flowers I mean to stick in pots in front of the house to distract passersby from noticing the deplorable state of the lawn.

Mike, meanwhile, touched down in Sydney, Australia a few days ago but hasn't had a chance to do any sightseeing, bike riding, or combination thereof due to all the natural disasters in the Western Pacific of late.

The Red Devils will be playing an Okinawa team late this afternoon. Rumor has it the Okinawa team is not having a good season so I'm hoping our boys will be able to pull this one off.

The Wheels on the Bike Go Round and Round

The Ancient Mariner is spinning his wheels in Nouvelle Caledonie today. When offered a medical update from an American Navy doctor, the French military brass declined. Tres boring, n'est-ce pas? Crying "Ooh-la-la," AM kicked up his heels, filed the PowerPoint, painted his thighs with black spandex, and went exploring on his bike.

Captain James Cook spotted this island in 1774. "Blimey! This place reminds me of my father's native Scotland." He named it New Caledonia which is a fancy way of saying New Scotland.

About a hundred years later, in late 1853, Napoleon III noticed England was putting together quite an impressive empire, with colonies in Australia and New Zealand, so the French decided to take possession of New Caledonia. The native Melanesians - not to be confused with Polynesians since I've mastered the distinction in the past week and now you can, too - would very much like to govern themselves, thank you very much, and in 1998 the French promised the islanders could hold a referendum on independence at any time after 2014. Some Melanesians believe the French are hoping to influence the outcome of the referendum by giving themselves 16 years to relocate half the population of France to the South Pacific.

The French call the island Caledonie while Melanesian nationalists favor Kanaky. Whatever you call it, it looks like a tropical paradise to me. And there you have it. Now I will devote another five hours to trying to start the lawn mower. But, of course, I'm not complaining.

Guam: Been There, Done That

The USS Blue Ridge stopped in Guam on the first weekend of Southern Swing. The reason I didn't mention this sooner has less to do with OPSEC and the Seto Pottery Fair than my fascination with maps. Once I got out my magnifying glass and managed to pinpoint Guam on a Western Pacific map, I just couldn't resist peeking at some other maps to get a better handle on Mike's whereabouts relative to other land masses.

Guam is 30 miles long and 4-12 miles wide. Frankly, I think it's nothing short of amazing that the guy driving the ship found such a tiny little speck in such a wide expanse of water. I feel the same way about Okinawa.

Mike and some of his shipmates covered most of Guam on their bikes soon after arriving on Friday afternoon. There's a Navy hospital in Guam and the commanding officer and his wife hosted a dinner where Mike ran into RADM Cullison, the deputy surgeon general, and passed him some bags of Japanese goodies to deliver to my three favorite officers at BUMED. So if you work at BUMED and think you might be one of my three favorite officers but have not seen any boxes of mushroom-shaped cookies yet, talk to RADM Cullison. You might want to check the corners of his mouth for telltale crumbs.

Here's a few things you might not know about Guam. It's north of the equator. It's the southernmost island in the Marianas and the westernmost possession of the United States. The highest point on Guam is Mount Lamlam at 1,332 feet, a mere pimple compared to Mount Everest which towers over the earth at 8,848 feet. When scientists factor in the section of Mount Lamlam below sea level, however, many believe it is the tallest mountain in the world. So now you know.

If it's raining in your part of the world today and you are on the verge of drop-kicking a bored adolescent through the front window, task them with finding Guam on a map. Then let your eyes drift due south and soon you will see Manus Island where Mike's father had such a wonderful time during World War II that we taped that Atlas page to our kitchen wall in Norfolk when he lived with us.

Mike doesn't know if his route from Guam to the next port of call will take him within sight of Manus Island, but he will definitely be checking the starboard horizon regularly. Or maybe the port horizon. And if someone other than Ancient Mariner can tell me which is right and which is left, I promise to make it worth your while.