The USS George Washington: A Grating Deja Vu

The Japanese and American Wives toured the USS George Washington today.

This might be the first time I've set foot on the USS George Washington since the infamous Family Day Cruise of June 12, 1999, Matt's seventh birthday which he really, really, really wanted to celebrate at a Chucky Cheese joint like a 'real' kid but the Family Day Cruise wasn't optional for the Senior Medical Officer. (You would be amazed at the number of parents, grandparents, and cousins who trip over cables and otherwise maim themselves during these 'quality of life' events.)

I was so wrapped up in memories of Matt's seventh birthday this morning, and trying to recall what happened to the Furby Mike's cousin Dick gave him to ease his pain, that I completely forgot how much I absolutely hate having to walk on metal grating suspended a couple of hundred of feet in the air over water that looks like it belongs in the Arctic Ocean. Which is worse, do you think? Sharks or Rottweilers?

At least I wore flat shoes, unlike this fashionable Japanese lady.

Inside the ship, we clambered up and down stairs that seem more like ladders, and not just because they're so steep. The steps are so narrow I had to choose between balancing on my toes and turning my feet sideways. I opted for the latter which I believe ballerinas call first position. I don't think anyone mistook me for Dame Margot Fonteyn though. The steps seem to accommodate tiny Japanese feet perfectly. This strikes me as odd.

Our tour guide was Sally's husband, the ship's Public Affairs Officer (PAO), a helicopter pilot who actually majored in English at the U.S. Naval Academy. It is refreshing to meet a PAO who can speak and write in complete sentences. (I used the word 'refreshing' rather than 'rare' or 'completely unprecedented in the annals of military hiring practices' because I am feeling generous tonight.)

He encouraged questions. The one thing he would not tell us is how long it takes for the ship to come to a complete halt. That is 'classified' information. Some of us wondered how the Navy has managed to keep this a secret. Does the ship never come to a complete halt when practicing maneuvers with foreign navies? Do they have to take the ship out to the middle of the ocean in the middle of the night to practice stopping? Even then, how can they be sure satellites don't film them practicing? If they don't practice, how do they know the ship will really come to a complete halt when the crunch is on?

The Japanese ladies understand English ten times better than I'll ever understand Japanese, but I don't think more than one or two of them understood more than four or five sentences in the 90-minute discourse. They were a heck of a lot more animated and interested when we went to Chili's for lunch after the tour. When the waitress placed six helpings of molten chocolate cake on the table at the end of the meal (to be shared between about 40 women), several ladies whipped out pencils and notepads and asked me how to spell 'molten'. I was happy to oblige and I also enjoyed teaching them how to use their spoons to engage in little sword fights.

"Oh, look! Most of the hot fudge ended up in my spoon. I win!"